So, older self, let's talk about the diet thing for a minute. You are sitting somewhere in the future and you're either fatter or thinner than me as I write this (262.0). I would like to get to 249 this year.
Do you remember this time (LIFE, March 2006 - January 2007 and beyond) as the beginning of something great or just a false dawn? My motto these days is "these are tomorrow's good old days." I am sick of nostalgia because those times were not perfect, and so I am trying to do things now so I will enjoy having done them later. Like the LIFE thing.
Remember the mirror at Italianni's and how that felt. Remember it and if you don't I'll remind you. You caught yourself in the mirror and you didn't recognize you for a minute, you just saw a ridiculously fat guy who looked like a freak. Then you recognized the freak was you.
Now you're doing the thing and you weigh yourself every day and you try to act like your food intake is coming from a budget of calories, not that you're tired or you're sad or that it tastes good or that your mind is racing on some ridiculous idea and the eating like chewing your nails but with food.
Did you give up on that? Was it easier to go back? These days you tell yourself that the chocolate/fat/sugar/salt tastes good for about 10 seconds, but being able to buy clothes off the rack that doesn't have some integer XL multiplier tastes good for ever and ever.
Did that work? Did any of it stick? I hope to God it did. I hope, I hope, I hope. Because I am kind of doing this for me, but mainly I am doing it for you. And I hope you will do it for your future self.
You are not doing as well on the activity part but I am trying to blame that on the winter. It's cold, dammit. I am hoping to start a weightlifting program that I can actually follow. How did that go? Did you accomplish anything, and stick with what you accomplished?
Did you quit on me? I can believe you did, and I can believe you didn't. Please don't let me down, future self. For this one thing, this one time, don't let me down.
I don't care if you don't get back to 190 or whatever unrealistic thing. I'd like to get into the 230s but that's a bonus. I will never be disappointed in you unless you just totally give up and go back to the old stuff. That's all. If you keep trying, really trying, even if you're not successful I will be proud of you.
But remember this, because it's pretty obvious to me right now - it's not all at once. You fail or succeed a little bit at a time and like Einstein said it's the compound interest that's the miracle. Watch the scale. The scale is objective. It doesn't care if you're lonely or sad or Mommy didn't love you enough or whatever. It doesn't care. The laws of physics do not make an exception for you.
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